Prior Trauma, Still Dealing - PTSD
In Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy training, we learn to palpitate the organs of the body. We learn how the organs respirate, how they develop, and what emotions tend to be held in each organ. I found that the emotions I had stored inside of me, deep inside in the tissues of my organs, these emotions were quite powerful, and some of them had been there for a very long time.
In my 20’s, I found Elaine Aaron’s enlightening book, The Highly Sensitive Person. I had often been told throughout my life that I was TOO SENSITIVE and this book explained that 15-20% of the population have a (likely inherited trait) of high sensitivity which allows for a greater ability to receive to stimulus that may go undetected to others, making these people more prone to high sensitivity to stimulus. One of the trait’s of Highly Sensitive People, or HSP’s, is that they are more prone to picking up on energetic details of situations, and they feel emotions (including other’s emotions) very deeply, which can cause overwhelm.
Being told that you are too sensitive can cause you feel as if something is inherently wrong with you and give you a good start in collecting shame around feeling so deeply. You frequently feel misunderstood by others and it can be very isolating, especially as a child around a majority of others who are not highly sensitive. High senstivity always seemed to be an inconvenient problem to those around me.
We all experience trauma in our lives. Being born is traumatic! In fact, conditions can be stem from the birth process and stay with us, as birth can often impact or displace the cranial bones. Some BSCT Practitioners specialize in treating babies; they call them the “Baby Whisperers” because the work can often be done off body or with very little contact. But these conditions can be addressed even in adulthood with Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy. I have often pondered: if HSP’s feel so deeply, perhaps we feel the impact of trauma more too, making us more prone to stress disorders like post traumatic stress.
Holistic modalities can subtlety and easily shift things in our systems on many levels. Big shifts can happen in one session, and other times if may take several sessions to bring the desired result. Our unbalanced states develop over time, an intermingled web of emotional, physical, and spiritual impacts to our system collected over time, and it can take time to unwind this complicated network.
I was well aware of the Post Traumatic Stress and it’s difficult impacts on relationships and work and self, but the solutions that were offered to me over the years didn’t make it go away, or really didn’t help at all. It wasn’t until someone treated my adrenal glands during training that all of the anger and rage that was hiding in my body emerged.
You could have heard a pin drop in the room that day, the energy was so still and serene. There is a particular Grace in BCST sessions and it is palpable. The room was still and lovely other than the birds chirping just outside the open windows. Complete silence, and everything else in the world seemed to have drifted far away. With multiple sessions occurring, in the room I did not know what to do with this shear rage bubbling up inside of me. I have never experienced an emotion so strongly in my entire life. It felt like a giant balloon swelling up inside of me that would burst at any moment. That Post Traumatic Stress was PRESENT and I wanted to run far away out of that room, run out to a clearing in the field, flail my arms around and scream it all out.
I thought by the end of my training, I just might get a handle on this PTSD. I did not. If anything, going through the training amplified it. I found, even in a therapeutic setting, little compassion or understanding for this condition. At times, people just think you’re an ass when in fact you really are just desperate to put yourself back together, or trying not to fall apart. They think the verbal outbursts are controllable; they don’t understand that they come out as if you have Tourette’s because your system on such high alert due to the threats your system is detecting. They think you are old enough, you should know better. More shame. At times, holistic treatments may help to expose an underlying condition that needs to be seen and addressed, and this PTSD was demanding attention.
What I did gain from my training was an understanding of the mechanics of PTSD, the hormones created and the resulting effects, the impact on the Vagus nerve, how the hippocampus can be affected by chronic stress cycling, and how emotions held in our system can radiate out and cause physical symptoms. Spending time in stillness IS beneficial to the nervous system and this work can help to shift your system towards finding more comfort in ease and flow. This work also helps to rebuild trust on a relational level as contact is not required and is negotiated when used.
Diving into this work, I began to see that my high sensitivity was an asset. If was easy for me to tap into the tides in client’s systems and feel the minutia of imbalances in a certain area. I had been reading energy for years, so reading the energy of someone’s system felt easy and natural to me. Sitting in stillness is something I’m normally quite resistant to, this work requires it. I found the stillness quite settling to my system, in both receiving a session or providing one. There are peaceful, nourishing waves of energy that come during a session, and I often feel these flowing tides long after the session has ended. My system now prefers tapping into those tidal rhythmic motions of nature, and it’s easier to bring my energy back to this state with the awareness of the availability to tap into it.
Mindfulness has been one of the best modalities for me in working with PTSD, and finding a therapist who works with this modality has proved essential. As BCST requires mindfulness and presence, there’s less room for subconsciously scanning the environment for threats; I’m more in my system. My nervous system has shifted towards and began to prefer an ease, a buoyancy, and flow that I had not experienced for a long time.
Still, I'm learning to tap into that ease more and more every day. I believe it is possible to shift out of PTSD. I don’t believe that it can be done in one fell swoop in one session. It takes practice to pause before reacting to triggers - learning all of this - to take a pause, a breath to connect you with Source before responding. As with many conditions, it may require multiple sessions and other layers of support by working with multiple practitioners or modalities.
BSCT addresses the very core of us, our nervous system, and works with the client and the primordial essence of life. Being in stillness can do wonders for our nervous system, and it is possible to recall a natural state of peace and ease to system that feels like home. It can be hard to share that you have Post Traumatic Stress and at times it can be difficult for others to understand.
However, I believe in being authentic and I believe that sharing our personal stories can be powerful in letting others know they are not alone.
With Love,
Karen
